Little Johnny Malenkeimer was waking up one fine Christmas morn, only to find that his legs had been replaced with those of a goat. "OH MY GOD!! THANK YOU SANTA!!! I LOVE YOU!!!" screamed Johnny. Johnny went out into the neighborhood showing off his new goat legs. A lot of kids screeched and cried when they saw him, but Johnny thought they were just jealous. After all, what kind of fine American youth wouldn't want goat legs? Johnny got to school after the vacation had ended, but the school no longer wanted him. They were all terrified and disgusted of his goat legs. Johnny cried and cried. He lived for 31 years like that. Then, on another fine Christmas morning, his prayers were finally answered - his legs were back to normal. He ran out into the street crying tears of joy, only to find he wasn't wearing any pants. Johnny lost his job as Assistant Head Accountant of the local JC Penny store that day. He didn't care, he just moved out into the country, where he spent the rest of his happy days eating dogs and living in caves.