Old Man sat down on a park bench one day and thought, "What if I were the bench, and the bench were me?"
This could have been the basis for a thrilling tale of adventure, but instead he decided to watch some squirrels play.
After the squirrels had run away, mainly because of Old Man's loud hooting, he went to sleep for a couple of hours.
He awoke in the middle of the night, with a strange sense of urgency, he jumped out of the bench, drew his sword, and
prepared to battle any evil that may approach him!

But nothing was there, except some guy with flaming hands singing songs from Westside Story.
Old Man decided to go back to sleep.

... wait a minute, flaming hands? Westside Story? It had to be nothing short of Old Man's sworn nemesis, Evil Old Man!
He rushed from the bench and confronted his evil counterpart! Evil Old Man said,

"Get outta my way, I gotta go uphold my evil reputation by flinging eggs at people's houses, and then killing them."

"No way, Evil Old Man! I won't stand for those crazy antics!" Shouted Old Man.

"Oh yeah?!?" Shrieked Evil Old Man.

"YEAH, DAMNIT!!!" Screamed Old Man

"Okay. Bye." Said Evil Old Man, in a calm, quiet voice.

And then he left.
Old Man went back to his bench to find another hobo sleeping on it, so he picked him up and threw him in a dumpster.


Get me away from this horrid place!